


Monachopsis

by BitterRenegade



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Mass Effect
Genre: Friendship, Multi, Reincarnation, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterRenegade/pseuds/BitterRenegade
Summary: Monachopsis. The subtle, but persistent feeling of being out of place.Alternately: Femshep used to be Krem, and she has very conflicting memories. And feelings. And gender is confusing.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RiriYuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiriYuki/gifts).



> If anyone comments about pronouns I DID IT ALL ON PURPOSE.
> 
> Basically, this thought came to me awhile ago... What if Femshep shared Krem's memories? And she knew that James Vega used to be Iron Bull? I know that the pronouns might confuse people, but think of it from my perspective.
> 
> This is a girl (now) who thinks of herself as a girl but shares the memories of a guy who thinks of himself as a guy.
> 
> Why did I do this to myself.

_Monachopsis. The subtle, but persistent feeling of being out of place._

Usually, Shepard felt at home in her armor. Years of military service helped with that of course. But, sometimes, it didn't feel quite right. It was just this nagging feeling in the back of her skull. The chest piece should be flat, loose, and then it would feel right. She knew that didn't make sense. It would feel awkward. Weird. Unnatural. Even if sometimes it felt like _his whole life he’d worn something different._

The first time she shook the hand of Lieutenant James Vega, he almost called him "Chief." it would have rolled off his tongue easily, along with a smirk and a joke about how he could help him bind his breasts properly. But she stopped herself. Saying that wouldn't have been professional. And he wasn't a Chief, and she wasn't his second in command even if a part of her was screaming that he was.

There were memories in her mind that weren't hers. They were out of place. Sometimes, for a moment, she could almost grasp them. Peer into a world that used to be but was no longer. Then, it would fade and quickly be forgotten. The man that she might have been would disappear until the next time the Bull called.

_I cough, shaking, but sit up. Eyes wide. A horned man... A qunari... Looks down at me. The side of his face is bloody where the flail hit him. The flail that he protected me from. "You're safe now. I'm Iron Bull. What do you want me to call you?"_

Krem.

…But that wasn’t her name.

Once, Shepard took Garrus and Vega topside. James had pulled her aside with a serious look on his face. "Hey Shepard, I know it's a bit weird for me to ask, but... You and Garrus...?”

She’d rolled her eyes, giving the man a small glare and crossing her arms across her chest. “James, please stop talking,” Shepard requested. _He hated it when he tried to talk to him about Maryden. Loved the big guy to bits, but he didn’t need a Qunari to tell his girlfriend about… things._

He grins, cocky and arrogant _like he’d always been_. "Right, sorry Shepard. I just don't want you to get burned. Because then you'd be... Krem brulee."

_"Krem brulee!!! Hahahah!" His ears burn in embarrassment as the Chief continues to laugh…_

James pauses, looks puzzled for a moment. Then his eyes widen. "Ah, sorry. That made no sense,” the soldier rubs the back of his head sheepishly with a dorky grin on his face. The action is familiar.

 _He_ smiles back at him, a tinge of sadness in her eyes. "Not a problem, chief,” _he_ tells the lieutenant.

James tilts his head to the side, confused. _Where is his horns, where is his eyepatch? He’s supposed to be a_ Qunari _, damn it. What happened to the Qunari?_ “Uh… you okay Shepard?” he asks. At his worried look she comes back to herself, laughs, and shoves him.

“What, you can call me Lola but I can’t test out a few nicknames every now and then?” she smirks at the man, the odd interaction easily forgotten and overwritten. Shepard and James… They get along frighteningly well, even though they hadn’t known each other for nearly as long as she had known other members of the crew. Except, _he_ had known _him_ for lifetimes.

Sometimes, Shepard likes to sit in the starboard observation and watch the stars. It's soothing, and if there's one thing that's always familiar, it's that. No matter where he... she... they go, the sky never really changes. Even if they're in a different star system.

“Horns pointing up,” Krem mutters to himself as he stares out the ships window.

The Bull does the same.


End file.
